


its turbulent, turbulent

by yourbulletsthroughmypie



Category: Bandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Multi, Other, gerard has a hamster called garlic bread, groupchat, i honestly dont know but i have fun writing this, im not even american i have a hard time here yknow, its really bad not gonna lie, lil patrick stump is a sweetheart and must be protected, ray is their only braincell, theyre all just silly dumbasses trying to have a good time, this whole thing is an on fire garbage can, ty is a fanboy and frerards #1 shipper, unimportantly, will this drama end? eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2020-03-29 10:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19017718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourbulletsthroughmypie/pseuds/yourbulletsthroughmypie
Summary: a really really really bad groupchat au of some braincellless gays bullshitting their way(s) through life





	1. you sold us for a bottle of vodka, they are not really dating and you never showed up when i was sick.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this sucks because i did this first as a obligation to fit my other *funny* shit with some context so,,, ya

— Brendon Urie has created a group chat —

Pete Wentz: how come he can make gc        but im not allowed to?

Frank Iero: Brendon wtf

Gerard Way: I THOUGHT U WERE JOKING

Gerard Way: BRENDON WTH

Patrick Stump:Hi.

Frank Iero:wow thats rude trick

Brendon Urie:ure welcome ik u love it ;))

Tyler Joseph:who gave brendon permission to do a group chat??

— Mikey Way has left the chat —

—Brendon Urie has added Mikey Way to the chat —

Brendon Urie:GERARD DID :D

Pete Wentz:Gee,, u never,,, say yes when i ask for stupid shit,,,

Gerard Way:i thought he was jockind 

Gerard Way:WAIT A MCFUCKING MINUTE

Brendon Urie:Oof

Brendon Urie:gotta blast

Gerard Way:THIS Y U GAVE ME A BOTTLE OF VODKA FOR FREE AND INSISTED IN ME BEING THE ONLY ONE DRINKING 

Gerard Way:YOU GOT ME DRUNK JUST BECAUSE YOU WANTED A GROUP CHAT

Dallon Weekes: Sounds like Brendon

Dallon Weekes: What if he had said no, whatd you have done with that alcohol?

Brendon Urie: First of all, you said yes before drinking anything ;)) 

Brendon Urie: And id have obviously drank it myself  

Tyler Joseph:so you sold yourself for a bottle of vodka

Gerard Way: ...

Frank Iero: Thats not true

 

Frank Iero:he sold US ALL for a bottle of vodka

Gerard Way: :( 

Tyler Joseph:such a good fren weve got

Pete Wentz: YOU KNOW WHAT HOUR IS IT?

Frank Iero:Eleven 

Josh Dun: Fourteen

Patrick Stump:Guys... its six in the afternoon whats wrong with you

Mikey Way: lame. 

Pete Wentz:HI MIKES :)

Mikey Way: no. 

Pete Wentz::(

Gerard Way:he didnt even blink while tapping that im sure

Josh Dun:Colder than the north pole,,,

Mikey Way:that shit is melting please consider searching anither comparison

— Pete Wentz changed “Mikey Way”s name to “colder than jadis” —

colder than jadis:excuse me,

colder than jadis: what the FuCK

Dallon Weekes: Is that a Narnia reference?

Pete Wentz:Fuck yeah it is

Gerard Way: nice. 

Frank Iero: rad. 

Tyler Joseph: 2 different kind of people

— Peter Wentz changed “Gerard Way’s name to “kinda person1” — 

— Pete Wentz changed “Frank Iero’s name to “kinda person 2” —

kinda person1: what r u DOING

Pete Wentz:my JOB 

kinda person 2:is ur job being fucking annoying?

Colder than Jadis:apparently. 

Ray Toro:Guys can you keep it low?

Ray Toro:Im trying to do the homework 

Dallon Weekes:lmao i should do it 2

Josh Dun:dude just dont do it??

Brendon Urie: yeah im not doing it and look at me, having such a gr8 time

Ray Toro:Im going to do as if a havent read that last part  

Ray Toro: and if i dont do it then who are you all gonna copy from huh?

Josh Dun: Ty did u do the work?

Tyler Joseph:  no imma copy from ray so let him alone

Brendon Urie:HEY TRICK :D

Patrick Stump:our classes are fucking different you stupid dumbass

Pete Wentz: whAt tHe HeLL

Pete Wentz: dID YOU JUST s w e a r 

Brendon Urie: le gasp

kinda person1:must protecc

— Pete Wentz changed “Patrick Stump’s name to “PURE chilD” —

PURE chilD: what the fuck guys

Pete Wentz:GERARD YOUR SON IS,,, 

kinda person1: trick, sweetheart, love, angel of mine, what the HELL do you think youre SAYING

kinda person1:no child o’ mine is gonna say shit like that 

PURE chilD: Frank swears all the time???

PURE chilD:YOU JUST SWORE????

Brendon Urie: dont drag frank into this, this about u disappointing your mother

PURE chilD:???????

Tyler Joseph: so anyway..

Tyler Joseph:Ray hows that homework going my dude 

Brendon Urie:that reminds me 

Brendon Urie: what in saints names is an f(x)  

Ray Toro:1) yall can copy whenever you want its finished 

Ray Toro: 2) Brendon thats from last year and its a fucking function

Brendon Urie:  a what now

kinda person1: guess whos gonna wait til last minute to copy the homework then only copy half of it and have an anxiety attack b/c he procrastinated?

— Pete Wentz changed “kinda person1’s name to “procrastinator” —

procrastinator:thanks pete

procrastinator:my saviour  

Dallon Weekes:u can literally smell the sarcasm 

— Pete Wentz changed their own name to “The Saviour” —

The Saviour: jokes on u

Brendon Urie: im streSSED

Dallon Weekes: hi stressed im dall

Brendon Urie:i was going to ask u to come over but now im just going to block u 

— The Saviour changed “Dallon Weeke’s name to “cockblocked” —

cockblocked:  :( 

Tyler Joseph:you know who has been suspiciously quiet

Ray Toro:who

Tyler Joseph:Frank 

Patrick Stump: lmao true 

Patrick Stump:omg he had the opportunity to roast Dallon and he didnt???

Josh Dun: Thats incredibly worryingly 

Josh Dun: like he never lets an opportunity slide like that

procrastinator:  hes busy

Brendon Urie:doing WHAT exactly 

The Saviour:u know how suspicious you sound when ur only input is a single message saying hes busy w/ practically no detail?

colder than jadis:How do you know hes busy tho??

procrastinator: b/c im at his house?? 

colder than jadis:wtf

colder than jadis: no youre not

colder than jadis: what the FUCK. 

procrastinator: did u just go to my room to check that im there when im telling u im not?

colder than jadis: HOW LONG AGO DID YOU GO

procrastinator: four hours mikey 

Brendon Urie: one day someones gonna break into ur house and steal everything and mikeys is gonna be there and not notice

procrastinator:accurate

colder than jadis: I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOWN THERE ALL THE TIME 

procrastinator: no, im at franks

Josh Dun: doing /what/

The Saviour: they fucked

procrastinator: uh... no? im just eating his food??

The Saviour: they totally fucked

procrastinator: we arent even dating????

Tyler Joseph:excuse me. 

Tyler Joseph: you arent //what// now.  

procrastinator: dating? 

Tyler Joseph:...

PURE chilD: trully shocking

Ray Toro:unbelievable 

Tyler Joseph: YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS NOW “WE RE NOT DATING” MY A S S. TAKE THAT BULLSHIT AND THROW IT DEEP INTO THE AMOUNT OF CHEMISTRY BETWEEN YOU AND FRANK AND THE HISTORY OF DATING YOU TWO GOT TOGETHER.   

colder than jadis: scary 

colder than jadis:thats true tho

cockblocked: waitwaitwait

cockblocked: Frank and Gee are not dating? 

procrastinator: i can assure you, we are not

Josh Dun:-yet

cockblocked:but? i always assumed you were?? 

cockblocked: like you 2 are always doing coupley shit? 

The Saviour:ik right?

Tyler Joseph: THEY ARE SUCH A POWER COUPLE.  M A R R I ED

— Tyler Joseph changed their name to “Frerard #1” —

procrastinator: Tyler what the hell???

Brendon Urie: no offence but hes right

colder than my hands:once you got so into doing The Art that we had to call frank cause you hadnt eaten, drank or left your room for 24h straight. 

Josh Dun: And he got him out?

colder than jadis: motherfucker just had to step into the house and call his name and that bastard was already out and alive.   

frerard #1: JEKSHAKABIWBALABALQ

procrastinator: he offered me garlic bread dude what did u want from me 

frerard #1: GO A L SS S 

colder than jadis: Linda calls you when franks sick b/c youre literally the only one who convinces him to rest and take his meds.  

colder than jadis:well thats true 

frerard #1:IWOWYAOABSLANABXKA

Brendon Urie: dall u dont come over when im sick :( 

cockblocked: i did once

Brendon Urie:um... no

cockblocked: um... yes

cockblocked:you said, dall im sick come over and make me company  

cockblocked: and i went and u were perfectly fine, just didnt know how to mount a goddamned ikea shelf

Brendon Urie:fair enough  

Josh Dun:if gee is at franks and they are fucking whys he still answering? 

Ray Toro: bc they are not fucking

procrastinator: bc we are not fucking

procrastinator: thx ray

PURE chilD:but wheres frank??

procrastinator: here?? 

The Saviour:doing what??

procrastinator:brushing his dogs bc they are the best?? 

frerard #1:oh 

Josh Dun:oh 

The Saviour: oh 

colder than jadis:oh

PURE chilD:oh

cockblocked: oh

Brendon Urie: oh 

Ray Toro: sounds about right

 

 


	2. that’s not really nice of you, he’ll ditch everything for taco bell, and you just caused your brother to go mad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont really know what to say honestly

 

procrastinator: fun fact

procrastinator:if you play baby shark loud enough the perfect amount of times youd get whatever you want for free

cockblocked:what have u done

kinda person 2:is this y mikey called yelling for me to make you stop /IT/

cockblocked: omg gerard what even 

procrastinator: i have never, in my entire life, seen so many emotions expressed by that boi 

procrastinator: i enjoyed it so much

frerard #1:  i just saw mikey runing down the street whats wrong 

frerard #1:oh god gerard no 

frerard #1: gerard i can HEAR IT

frerard #1:im not even near your house gerard what the fucK

— kinda person 2 changed the group’s name to “gerard what the fucK” —

procrastinator:thank u frankie

frerard #1:no i think u all don’t understand 

frerard #1: im 8 houses away and i hear it loud enough to call the cops

procrastinator: Mikey went to get me taco bell 

frerard #1: IT SUDDENLY IS MY FAV SONG EVER

frerard #1: OPEN UP BITCH IVE ARRIVED

cockblocked: that house a circus wow

kinda person 2: given the amount of time i expend there i can assure you that it is indeed a circus

cockblocked: “the amount of time i expend there” lmao shit like this is why i thought u 2 were dating

kinda person 2: we r not 

frerard #1: -yet. 

colder than jadis:  GERARD

procrastinator: yes my dear brother, how may i help you in this lovely day 

colder than jadis: SHUT UP  

colder than jadis:I HAVE YOUR STUPID TACO BELL

frerard #1: :))))

colder than jadis: NOW STOP IT

procrastinator: but how do i know that you really got it and its not just a trap? 

frerard #1: show us the evidence

cockblocked: i love how tyler left whatever he was doing just because he heard someone near him was getting taco bell and decided their friendahip was strong enough to get free food 

procrastinator:  hey tys my fren, he will have taco bell whenever he wants if i get it for free

frerard #1: thank you gee

frerard #1: this is a real friendship

— colder than jadis has sent an image to the chat —

kinda person 2:rad.  

cockblocked: oh god is that an emotion?

procrastinator: what the fuck do u think u r doing showing me the finger 

frerard #1:  the audacity 

colder than jadis:how do I know that YOU stoped the fucking baby shark 

procrastinator:Fair

— procrastinator has sent a video to the chat —

kinda person 2:sorry tyler wtf

kinda person 2:isnt that joshs sweater?

frerard #1: ...

frerard #1:...no

kinda person 2:hasnt he b searching it for a week?

frerard #1:  no bc this isnt his sweater

procrastinator: its like twice bigger than u ty what u sayin son

colder than jadis: thank god this nightmare has ended

cockblocked: i honestly didnt thought gerard was gonna stop playing baby shark just bc he got what he wanted

procrastinator:im not such a bad person

procrastinator: i promised ill stop playing baby shark 

procrastinator:  butttttttt 

colder than jadis: N

colder than jadis: O

colder than jadis:NOT THIS NOT THIS NO 

frerard #1: :)

kinda person 2:a narration for us the ones not there? 

cockblocked: thatd be nice yea 

Brendon Urie: frank and mikey has so long nicknames that i cant see the whole message whitout entering and it kinda sucks 

kinda person 2: did i ask u to eavesdrop?

colder than jadis:PLEASE GEE I SWEAR TO GOD 

colder than jadis:IM BEGGING YOU 

procrastinator: omg hes crying 

frerard #1: he has legit tears in his eyes

The Saviour:  WHAT HAVE U DONE TO POOR MIKEY

procrastinator:we r playing let it go on loop 

frerard #1: LET IT GO LET IT GOOO

Brendon Urie:OH OH THAT ONES GOOD I LIKE THAT ONE

frerard #1:ik right 

colder than jadis:i cant take it anymore 

kinda person 2: ya it goes like that 

colder than jadis:imma kms 

The Saviour: pls dont

Brendon Urie:  i dont remember that song talking about suicide

frerard #1: brendon where u even came from

Brendon Urie:i have no proof but im kinda sure from my moms uterus

colder than jadis:it keeps sounding and im dying

colder than jadis:ITS THE SIXTH TIME ARENT U TIRED 

procrastinator:never

procrastinator: he just got up and left???

procrastinator: who do u think u r shouting at u peasant?

colder than jadis: FUCK YOU 

colder than jadis: YOU ARE NOT MY BROTHER ANYMORE

procrastinator: tragic

Brendon Urie:wheres he going? he doesnt have any friends??

colder than jadis: FUCK YOU TOO BRANDEM

The Saviour:u can come to mine if u want? 

colder than jadis:WELL YOU KNOW WHAT MAYBE I DO

colder than jadis:FUCK YOU JERALF

colder than jadis:AND YOU TO TULER

— kinda person 2 changed “Brendon Urie’s name to “brandem” —

brandem: thx frank

procrastinator: JERALF IM CRYING

procrastinator: NOONE HAS EVER CALLED ME THAT 

procrastinator: ive been blessed 

cockblocked: “tuler”

 


	3. a xilophone, unknown shots at three am and its consequiences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IN THE MOMENT, i found this funny, maybe because i was the one who wasn’t getting any sleep 
> 
>  
> 
> also brendon has a dog called cheesecake, youre welcome

 

brandem: Hey emm

brandem: what the fuck is going on at the ways?

The Saviour: what u mean? 

The Saviour: r they throwing a party and didnt invite us? 

kinda person 2: theyre not throwing a party pete wth 

brandem:  I DONT KNOW IF ITS A PARTY BUT THERE ARE SHOTS THATS SURE

cockblocked: what r u doing at the ways?

brandem: im not

brandem: i was walking out cheesecake

cockblocked:  u dont even live near them what are u doing walking your fucking dog in the other side of the city

brandem: idk 

kinda person 2: going back at that shots thing  

kinda person 2: what the fucking hell

brandem: wait ill get closer

The Saviour: Mikeys asleep??

brandem:  omg frank ur boyfriend is crazy or something

kinda person 2: starting by the fact that i dont have a boyfriend

kinda person 2: whats happening

brandem: Gerard is infront of the kitchen table with a row of shot glasses full of something and is drinking them in less than a minute straight

brandem: its quite impressive tbh

kinda person 2: is it alcohol?

The Saviour: its a wednesday nightgerard doesnt drink when theres school 

cockblocked:  cause he doesnt want the hangover not anything 

brandem: omg nono

brandem: its coffee guys its coffee

The Saviour: some people get up in the middle of the night to eat

The Saviour: some other gets up to do FUCKING COFFEE SHOTS

procrastinator: what u all talkin bout

kinda person 2: hey gee, how,, how do u feel 

procrastinator: mcfucking petfecly 

procrastinator: y shouldnr i b oj,

cockblocked: how long has it been since the last time you slept  

procrastinator: i wgat noq

brandem: its v impressive how hes still alive 

procrastinator: idnt it fun how avocados disnt ezidt a frw ysers ago? 

kinda person 2: yeah wild

procrastinator: i r r want a burf

cockblocked: ud kill it

procrastinator: NO I WOIDNT

kinda person 2: alright gee listen

procrastinator: we r texting tho

The Saviour: whys he writing so bad

brandem: he was literally shaking and i think there were about a dozen energy drinks on his floor

kinda person 2: gee i swear to god just sit down and dont do anything im omw

procrastinator: i cant

procrastinator: i have so much energy

procrastinator: i even got to finish that thing

The Saviour: what thing?? 

procrastinator: cant remembee

procrastinator: but im honestlt so goid right nie

brandem: is he shaking again? 

kinda person 2: GERARD WHAT THE FUCKK

cockblocked: ???

procrastinator: frankie ur honestly so smol

kinda person 2: GET DOWN HERE GERARD

cockblocked: im confused wheres he

kinda person 2: HES ON THE ROOF 

kinda person 2: NONO GERARD

kinda person 2: STOP 

kinda person 2: YOU’RE TOO NEAR TO THE SIDE

The Saviour: i find quite amusing how everybody in that house is sleeping

The Saviour: but then gerard is up there living his best life on the roof 

procrastinator: frankie shh

procrastinator: i know what im doing

procrastinator: where have you gone you smol punk rat

kinda person 2: making my way up there to stop you from FALLING OFF THE GODDAMN ROOF 

brandem: who said romance was dead

cockblocked: i find this all too amusing tbh 

brandem: frank keep us updated 

kinda person 2: i hate gerard so much rn

cockblocked: how did you get him down

kinda person 2: ...

The Saviour: yEAH FRANKIE HOW DID U

kinda person 2: stfu

kinda person 2: BITCH MY FOOT

brandem: could u b more specific?

kinda person 2: THE FLOOR IS FULL OF PENCILS 

kinda person 2: SHARPENED

The Saviour: gerard has never sharpened a pencil in his whole life 

The Saviour: once he tricked me on going over and gave me a bucket full of pencils to sharpen 

cockblocked: bet you did it 

The Saviour: i did 

The Saviour: and i got wonderful mikeyway content

brandem: that was the thing he was doing lol 

brandem: sharpen all his pencils just for u to step over them

kinda person 2: im done

kinda person 2: this was it

kinda person 2: im done with this SLANKY UNFAIRLY TALL SLEEPDEPRIVED IDIOT 

cockblocked: update  

kinda person 2: i got him down to his fucking room were no damage could be done 

kinda person 2: AND THIS BITCH MADE ME 1) FALL DOWN THE STAIRS 2) CALLED ME A SMALL RAT A G A I N

— The Saviour changed “kinda person 2’s name to “smol rat” —

smol rat:  HOW DOES HE DARE

smol rat: SAY SMT LIKE THAT TO ME AND THEN CUDDLE ME 

cockblocked: that escalated quickly

brandem: goal 

smol rat: bastards how do i get him out 

The Saviour: the ways do the best cuddles tho

smol rat: hes rambling about some anime 

smol rat: how do i shut him omg

brandem: can i make a comment

cockblocked: no 

brandem: :(  

The Saviour: ill just pepper in the fact that gerard will have to get his shit together and go to class tomorrow  

smol rat: nvm i got out

cockblocked: nice 

smol rat: update

smol rat: the shots werent coffee

brandem: they werent?

smol rat: its like pure black cold coffee but with like two different types of energy drink 

cockblocked: sounds like something tyler would do and pete would cheer to

The Saviour: i cant believe that gerard is really out there doing shots of pure caffeine at three amin a school day and didnt invite me 

The Saviour: i thought our friendship was stronger  

smol rat: i actually went to tell him that specifically  

smol rat: and he says something about you once breaking him a barbie or something

The Saviour: THAT WAS WHEN WE WERE LIKE FIVE 

cockblocked: lit

brandem: dall, babe,, no,,,

smol rat: im such a good friend 

smol rat: i deserve so much better

smol rat: oh god yall don’t appreciate me enough

The Saviour: how much do you love someone to go to his house at 3amand save his ass 

brandem: and still be there after been called small and rat repeatedly 

smol rat: im literally cleaning his mess

smol rat: and its honestly disgusting the amount of caffeinated empty drinks that is here 

cockblocked: brendon u never come save my ass and clean my messes

brandem: cause its the other way around lol

brandem: its usually me who fucks up wow

 

—————————————-

 

 

Ray Toro: Gerard just died

frerard #1: was fun tho

The Saviour: im not in that class what happened 

PURE chilD: Is he ok??

Josh Dun: did i just see frank practically carry gerard through the hall?

PURE chilD: WHAT HAPPENED????

Ray Toro: so ya know how hes sleep deprived

Ray Toro: he just stopped working

frerard #1: IT WAS SO FUNNY I SAW HIS EYES ROLL BACK INTO HIS SKULL AND THOUGHT ITD BE FUN TO DO THE WINDOWS CLOSING NOISE WITH MI LITTLE XYLOPHONE 

The Saviour: swear it 

Josh Dun: i wish i was there and not out of my class

Ray Toro: no guys its not funny

Ray Toro: he was writting and suddenly dropped face down on his table and didnt react anymore

colder than jadis: fuck him i told him not to pull so many all nighters together

frerard #1: the teacher thought he went unconscious or something and panicked

frerard #1: It took her and frank ten minutes to wake him up

PURE chilD: it doesnt sound like hes good

Ray Toro: he isnt  

Ray Toro: when they woke him up he kept falling over slightly and his eyes didnt focus

colder than jadis: i havent seen him sleep in over a week??

colder than jadis: no shit his body just gave up

Ray Toro: The teacher panicked and sent frank to get him home 

The Saviour: frank always has to deal with gerards shit lmao

smol rat: you can laugh all you want but i got home four hours before you

smol rat: and friendly reminder that you got gym

Josh Dun: that was a low blow

PURE chilD: how is gerard??

smol rat: oh yeah he good now

— smol rat has sent a photo to the chat — 

frerard #1: are u 2 cuddling 

Josh Dun: cute

PURE chilD: thank god hes sleeping finally 

The Saviour: his superpower is not sleeping in over a week the get high on energydrinks  and coffee and just stop working

colder than jadis: is more than what youve got

Josh Dun: WOAH BURNN

  

frerard #1: so anyway josh you said you got kicked out of class?

Josh Dun: yea 

frerard #1: cool come hang out with me they kicked me out 2

Josh Dun: omw

PURE chilD: ????

Ray Toro: I SWEAR TO DAMN

Ray Toro: TYLER STOP IT

frerard #1: oof

PURE chilD: i have never before seen ray type in capitals like that

Ray Toro: i ve got a lot of patience i really do

Ray Toro: but tyler you need to STOP

frerard #1: no KSKSKSKS

Josh Dun: wyd

Ray Toro: its not even funny anymore

PURE chilD: what did he do

frerard #1: so remember how i went over at my grands last saturday? 

PURE chilD: yes

frerard #1: well i got myself a little xylophone  

Ray Toro: its /so/ annoying 

frerard #1: and searched for the marimba ringtone of iphone

frerard #1: and ive been playing it

Ray Toro: all fucking day

Ray Toro: three different teachers sent him out already

PURE chilD: poor ray i feel ya 

Josh Dun: TY BET YOU CANT PLAY THE WII THEME ON THAT THING WHILE I DO A BACKFLIP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIBRARY

PURE chilD: please dont

frerard #1: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED MOTHERFUCKER

Ray Toro: youre going to get yourselfs in trouble

— frerard #1 changed “Ray Toro’s name to “tired mom” —

tired mom: sigh

Josh Dun: someones living for his name huh 

PURE chilD: Tyler what are you doing??

frerard #1: my best

Josh Dun: wow gotta admit i didnt have much faith in that xylophone but dude is it cool 

frerard #1: ik right i learned to play it just to do this kind of shit

 


	4. that race thing, the reason you do it and hes doing better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma explain this:
> 
> i had to do a searching race(? idk) for PE about a month ago anddd it was 1, horrible 2, fairly fun if you quit the fact that i had to run. So i thought why not? and got along with it, so take this as an introduction, kind of, for the next chapter wich :)

 

cockblocked: is anyone actually doing that race thing? 

Josh Dun: ????

smol rat: i am  

Josh Dun: ???! 

smol rat: im failing gym dude i need to do it 

cockblocked: i thought you could do a work instead

smol rat: ya  

smol rat: but that sucks and he hates me so hed fail me anyway

Josh Dun: what race tf

cockblocked: its like idk youve to like find shit with a map while running 

Josh Dun: when did he announce that 

frerard #1: he gave us the paper a week ago josh what even 

Josh Dun: i never read those papers

Josh Dun: what for 

frerard #1: this pretty much

frerard #1: also im going too

smol rat: noice, i have someone to do it willingly w/me

frerard #1: i suck at it tho 

cockblocked: i guess that ill go now that i wont be alone 

Josh Dun: i found that paper yall told me about

smol: yall

Josh Dun: idk dudes here says its in december  

Josh Dun: no offence but its april 

PURE chilD: lmao  

PURE chilD: the teacher said that it was wrong. is in like a week 

frerard #1: are u going trick?

PURE chilD: i guess

PURE chilD: @colder than jadis come with me D: 

smol rat: honestly im dying to do a dirty comment

Josh Dun: Frank Dont

smol rat: i didnt say anything 

Josh Dun: i know you, Frank Dont

colder than jadis: i dont know what youre talking about but ok pat 

PURE chilD: :D

colder than jadis: ive been informed that i could do a work instead of that shitass race

PURE chilD: D:

colder than jadis: but i guess i will go

smol rat: tell gerard that he is going to fail

colder than jadis: wait

procrastinator: not if i do that work

smol rat: except you wont do it

procrastinator: i will

cockblocked: daring words for a person whose name is procrastinator 

procrastinator: well fuck you

Josh Dun: come, you just walk and pierce a paper it not that hard

frerard #1: you still have no idea what this is about do you?

frerard #1: you have to do it in a limit time and run

smol rat: wo wo wo stop right there cowboy

smol rat: no one here is gonna run

PURE chilD: i mean i was going to walk

procrastinator: and wheres this thing going to be?

cockblocked: in the woods

procrastinator: sorry

procrastinator: WHAT

brandem: guess whos not doing it?

tired mom: me 

brandem: me neither bitch 

colder than jadis: pete neither

PURE chilD: he will fail

colder than jadis: he doesnt care

procrastinator: i dont care either and i still have to go??

smol rat: you dont care about failing?

procrastinator: no

procrastinator: well yes

procrastinator: but not that much

frerard #1: so gerard is going to, nice

frerard #1: who else

Josh Dun: we dont have anymore friends ty

colder than jadis: that was really sad to read 

brandem: you dont have anymore friends neither mikey

colder than jadis: well fuck you BRANDEM

brandem: this name is literally bc of you

brandem: what are you even trying

tired mom: you re such disasters

tired mom: its amazing youre still alive

smol rat: stfu 

smol rat: every move i make is calculated 

Josh Dun: ur shit at math 

smol rat: shh

 

tired mom: gee how are you after the incident

procrastinator: could you please be more specific?

tired mom: ??? what else happened to you apart from not sleeping and then fading in the middle of class???

procrastinator: oh

procrastinator: idk i do a lot of stupid shit and then call them incidents to feel better  

frerard #1: nice coping mechanism

procrastinator: thanks ty

procrastinator: and im pretty good

tired mom: are you sleeping finally?

procrastinator: yeah

colder than jadis: no???

colder than jadis: you woke me at one in the morning to accompany you to get dennys??

procrastinator: nono 

procrastinator: i meant that im sleeping /something/

procrastinator: like not enough or anything but im doing it

smol rat: and we r proud of him

frerard #1: ya

tired mom: im-

 

 

 

 

 


	5. looks like he could kill you is actually a cinnamon roll, so short but so harmful, jail is his playground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love frank, like so so so much, i cant even

~~~~brandem: guys you know what i love?

PURE chilD: musicals? 

cockblocked: me?

The Saviour: alcohol? 

brandem: josh and franks friendship 

smol rat: the fuck u sayin now brandem

Josh Dun: bitch the fucks wrong with frank and me 

brandem: i just,,,,

brandem: frank is so smol,,,

brandem: but josh is so täll,, 

smol rat: bocked, cancelled and unfollowed 

brandem: and i mean, theyre like really goals 

The Saviour: hey ur right there and everything lol

The Saviour: it looks like josh will break your bones if you get in with his smol fren 

The Saviour: but in reality frank could sent you to the hospital just for being mean to josh 

Josh Dun: i dont appreciate violence 

smol rat: and thats why you got bullied and i had to send that jock to the hospital 

PURE chilD: i totally forget that frank randomly gets into fights like its his job

cockblocked: josh is a cinnamon roll lmao

—The Saviour changed “Josh Dun’s name to “cinnamon roll” —

The Saviour: there u go buddy

cinnamon roll: nice

brandem: alright but no

brandem: really guys

brandem: look at them the height difference is just too cute

frerard #1: im with them and i made them stand up and lmfao

 — frerard #1 has sent an image to the chat —

brandem: see?

cockblocked: alright thats cute

smol rat: im gonna break your fucking face 

PURE chilD: god franks so tiny alongside josh

smol rat: the AUDACITY 

cinnamon roll: honestly frank ur so,,, tiny,, 

smol rat: the FUCK 

smol rat: WHY ARE U ALL TREATING ME LIKE THIS

frerard #1: hes so tiny and furious

The Saviour: the amount of rage in your body is increadibly high for someone so small 

smol rat: do you think that i wont punch you in the guts bc youre dating gerards brother?

The Saviour: thatd be bold of me wouldnt it

smol rat: yes

The Saviour: u r going to punch me arent u

smol rat: yes

PURE chilD: frank no :(

smol rat: he searched it trick

cinnamon roll: youre increadibly scary for someone so small 

smol rat: youre damn lucky youre my friend

frerard #1: friendship goals

procrastinator: did someone call frankie small? 

smol rat: :(

PURE chilD: you were intimidating everyone in here just moments ago  

PURE chilD: how are you sad face-ing us now that gerard is here

smol rat: :((

procrastinator: poor frankie

cockblocked: youre literally the reason why his name is smol rat???

procrastinator: what

brandem: you called him smol rat repeatedly so pete changed his name 

procrastinator: when 

smol rat: you were high

procrastinator: i havent been high in weeks tho

smol rat: in caffeine and undersleep

procrastinator: idk dude sounds fake

cockblocked: no tf, your brain was fried and you almost fell out of yor roof at two in the morning

procrastinator: sounds good

brandem: g o o d ?? you know you could have died?

procrastinator: sounds good.  

frerard #1: crying

frerard #1: a girl just went to flirt with josh and thought frank was his twelve year old brother

smol rat: i-

cinnamon roll: i was about to stop her but then she mentioned frank as a twelve year old and i just carried on 

smol rat: i cant even-

frerard #1: the girl was so surprised when frank shouted at her

smol rat: SHE CALLED ME A CHILD 

smol rat: I AM OLDER THAN YOU TWO

smol rat: I HATE YOU SO MUCH

PURE chilD: he is the one that got to the police station more than once and yet 

procrastinator: why was that a thing?

procrastinator: i had to bail you out like twice a week dude the fuck

smol rat: everyone knew us there HAHAHAHA 

PURE chilD: i was with gerard once and he got me there with him and honestly the worst experience 

PURE chilD: 2/10wouldnt recommend 

procrastinator: it wasnt that bad you were just scared bc there was a little of blood 

PURE chilD: THE DUDE IN THE CELL WAS BLEEDING HIS GUTS OUT

smol rat: youre so dramatic trick

brandem: i love how casual they are about going to jail 

smol rat: im a minor i cant go to jail

smol rat: BUT when i go i will change my name to mitochondria

The Saviour: YES THATS MY FRIEND 

The Saviour: POWER MOVE BITCH

brendam: “when” NOT IF, W H E N 

cinnamon roll: mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

frerard #1: thank you josh what eould we do without you

cinnamon roll: wow mean


	6. They run, I guess he deserves something, and they were chilling on a tomb.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the race, nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, um, a couple of months ago i had to do this kind of, race(? for my PE class, and well, it consisted in orientation, around the place there were this points were you had to mark a paper and you needed to find them in an specific order with help of the map.  
> One of the three races we did was in a kind of forest, which is fucking weird and creepy but ok. 
> 
> GIVEN THE CONTEXT, t h i s.

 

procrastinator: NO ONE TOLD THERE WOULD BE SO MANY KIDS IN HERE

smol rat: gerard theyre literally our same age 

procrastinator: OMG ITS HORRIBLE

procrastinator: im cancelling im going back home fuck this 

brandem: oh there are more schools going to the race?

cockblocked: yes, fact our teacher forgot to tell us 

frerard#1: apparently he wants us to win???

frerard #1: we dont even know how to read the map?? 

procrastinator: good luck everyone im going home

procrastinator: anyway mickey said no 

PURE chilD: the grass is wet 

PURE chilD: and we are gonna run through it 

cockblocked: im waiting to see who falls first 

PURE chilD: i hope no one does

frerard #1: i hope its gerard

procrastinator: i came here to pass gym and im honestly feeling so attacked right now 

brandem: do you guys need to do a minimum or just because youre there you got the point

smol rat: we need to participate and to show that we need to get to at least some of the beacons

brandem: the what

smol rat: the signaled points where you clamp the carton that shows youre doing it 

brandem: im so glad y didnt go

PURE chilD: fuck you brendon

 

—

 

procrastinator: hey

procrastinator: where are the things 

cinnamon roll: youve got the map for something??

brandem: oh yo have to do it alone? 

procrastinator: yes but we r going in groups

cinnamon roll: im honestly just looking the crowds of people and guessing

procrastinator: thx

procrastinator: frank says that we r not doing that and that you better get here or he will fight you

cinnamon roll: idk where u guys are tho 

brandem: does anyone know how to read those maps o what? 

cockblocked: frank does thats y im sticking with him 

brandem: just dont get lost 

cockblocked: we wont 

cinnamon roll: we re L O S T  

cinnamon roll: ty said he knew the way to you guys but he does not

cockblocked: frank says that youre fucking useless  

cinnamon roll: well we are 

cinnamon roll: wait, is that person in a tree gerard?

procrastinator: im on a tree so yeah probably

brandem: what are you doing on a tree

procrastinator: i lost patrick

procrastinator: and i thought i would find him by finding mickey 

colder than jadis: omg you re such an idiot we’re literally at the other side of the natural reserve 

procrastinator: yeah but wheres my baby

— colder than jadis sent a photo to the chat —

procrastinator: thank god my baby is good

colder than jadis: he says hes not a baby 

colder than jadis: but whatevs 

procrastinator: michael, you better treat him good

 

—

 

smol rat: i cant stop

smol rat: im laughing so hard 

smol rat: mickey you owe me ten dollars 

smol rat: omg my stomach hurts this is so funny 

colder than jadis: HE FELL

colder than jadis: ALREADY 

tired mom: who fell?

smol rat: gerard

tired mom: unsurprisingly 

smol rat: he was complaining and slipped on the grass and yelled like a little kid as he fell 

cockblocked: he also grasped tyler and almost pulled him down too

tired mom: is he ok?

cockblocked: it was a little acclivity, hes just That Dramatic

tired mom: sounds about real

frerard #1: im scared hes now doing this shit Seriously 

brandem: what

smol rat: he took it as a personal offense so now hes gonna complete the race and fucking shove it down our teachers throat

tired mom: oh goodness

tired mom: if hes taking it seriously hes gonna end up hitting someone 

tired mom: please look after him

colder than jadis: sure ill love to see gerard get punched 

tired mom: try again

colder than jadis: no

cinnamon roll: i will make sure he doesnt get fucked 

brandem: if franks fucking him just let them

smol rat: bitch the fuck

 

—

 

colder than jadis: @procrastinator, hoe where u at

frerard #1: i dunno we got lost

brandem: nice y told you not to do ONE thing

colder than jadis: use the reference points?? 

frerard #1: we re near the cemetery???

The Saviour: lmao theres a cemetery? 

frerard #1: yes

frerard #1: as we re lost and running late gerard and i decided to go chill inside the cemetery

frerard #1: so get fucced u all

cockblocked: can you not?

procrastinator: too late looser 

procrastinator: i have already climbed a tomb 

PURE chilD: since you are such dumbasses i have made the decision of going get you to go back to the start on time

The Saviour: i didnt knew you had to do it on a set time?

PURE chilD: 50 minutes

cockblocked: trick we re too far away we wont arrive on time 

PURE chilD: idc 

colder than jadis: i love how they encouraged us by saying how a bunch of trained kids have done it on 25 minutes 

frerard #1: 25 minutes my ass 

The Saviour: arent you taking too long?

colder than jadis: did you just woke up?

The Saviour: practically yes 

colder than jadis: then fuck you, i hate you and your cancelled 

The Saviour: mikes :(

procrastinator: lmao look at his wound

procrastinator: right on his heart

colder than jadis: idc

The Saviour: :((

 

—

 

cockblocked: tag yourself as things that happened today

cockblocked: my personal favourite is tyler running and shouting gross at the same time 

frerard #1: i RAN and it was GROSS

cinnamon roll: im patrick running a little clearing and coming back almost dying 

PURE chilD: i had an ASTHMA ATTACK 

The Saviour: you dont have asthma

but ok

procrastinator: i cant belive mikey fell and i didnt see it

colder than jadis: NO ONE SAW IT IT DIDNT HAPPENED 

The Saviour: are you SURE

colder than jadis: i DIDNT

cinnamon roll: im more surprised about us only arriving four minutes late

smol rat: thanks to who?

PURE chilD: uh.. me pretty much 

smol rat: excuse me ma’am but i ran for all of you fuckers to get the papers there first 

procrastinator: im DYING

frerard #1: thats probs bc of frank hanging onto your neck

procrastinator: no shit ty, really?

procrastinator: do YOU think is THAT

brandem: sorry what

cockblocked has sent an image to the chat

brandem: oh

brandem: my

brandem: god

tired mom: dont, thats platonic

brandem: hows that gonna be platonic??

tired mom: cause theyre idiots??

smol rat: careful there ray

colder than jadis: after the race ive so legally done im sure my BOYFRIEND has SOMETHING for me

The Saviour: my unconditional love? 

colde than jadis: no

The Saviour: my dick? 

colder than jadis: no

procrastinator: iugh

The Saviour: alright party at my house tonight  

The Sabiour: i put the alcohol, bren you the food, and ray the common sense

brandem: aye aye captain 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i forget to comment that shits about to hit the fan?  
> drama about to make its big ass entry ;)


	7. People are having crushes, you grinch love, and shits about to go down swinging.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> id say cliche party but this is just an excuse to get some angst rollin’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “pEoPlE aRE hAvInG CrUsHeS G3rArd!1!1!1”
> 
> i deserve to fucking die omg  
> how am i like this bye
> 
>  
> 
> also have i mentioned anything about the weird spacing? its bc i did something strange while writing it and transpasing and coping and it got like this, i could totally solve it but im lazy so its gonna stay like this. sue me idc

 

frerard#1: yknow who has a big crush  

tired mom: yeah 

frerard #1: who then

tired mom: wait who are we talking about  

frerad#1: the one with the crush

tired mom: but theres more than one with a crush 

procrastinator: why are you talking i was sleeping  

tired mom: theres people with crushes gerard 

procrastinator: so? not my fucking problem 

tired mom: yes??

frerard #1: anyway i was talking about patrick 

procrastinator: sorry, patrick, my patrick, the baby, sweet angel stump?

frerard#1: aye

procrastinator: yeah totally, hes fucked

procrastinator: gn

tired mom: nono wait

tired mom: you love patrick right?

procrastinator: what kinda question is that  

procrastinator: yes of course more than any of you 

tired mom: so shouldnt you as a good fren help him?

procrastinator: sounds like its none my business 

frerard #1: his crush on mikey is wild tho

procrastinator: ya

tired mom: w h a t 

tired mom: he has a crush on pete??

procrastinator: ya

frerard#1: what

procrastinator: yall know he likes both right

tired mom: what

frerard#1: what 

procrastinator: ya he went super sad and angst when they got together

procrastinator: his poor heart was like strangled 

frerard#1: poor trick 

tired mom: i always thought that pete liked him back tbh 

frerard#1: i thought MIKEY liked him back

frerard#1: what 

procrastinator: they both liked patrick but they were really angsty and weird about it and they always have been kinda in love with eachother and then they got together and idk it was weird af

procrastinator: ig they were happy

procrastinator: but now mikey is beimg really awkward again bc patrick is being cute and shit

frerard#1: not to be dramatic but this love triangle sounds more like an untalked healthy and happy poly relationship 

procrastinator: they are all fucking dorks

tired mom: aww but pete and mikes are always being so cute and sweet with pat

procrastinator: what a bunch of fucking idiots 

frerard#1: havent you been in love gerard? you fucking love grinch

procrastinator: im perfectly fine with the love i have and not being an idiot with it

tired mom: how ironic

tired mom: as the mom friend of all you impulsive bastards ive made the impulsive decision to get those three together

procrastinator: great job saying all this in the GROUPCHAT where THEY ARE 

frerard #1: quick erase everything and get yourselves a plan for tonight

tired mom has erased the groupchats cache

 

———

 

smol rat: why is the gps cache erased

smol rat: nvm

The Saviour: weird

The Saviour: EVERYBODY READY FOR TONIGHT

procrastinator: FUCK YEAH

brandem: YOU KNOW IT

PURE chilD: pls dont get too drunk pls dont get too drunk

smol rat: if you know we re gonna why you still comin 

cockblocked: i domt think this is a good idea 

PURE chilD: thanks someone rational

brandem: cmon daaaaaaall

cockblocked: nvm ive been informed of the situation, ty ray g call me in

frerard #1: dope

brandem: what situation??

tired mom: none of your business

brandem: BUT DALLONS?

procrastinator: dallons not a bitch who will voice it out with the first shot of vodka

brandem: wow i feel attacked

colder than jadis: what situation?

frerard#1: none of your business 

colder than jadis: k 

smol rat: lmao brendon youd love this shit 

brandem: frank knows too?????

smol rat: fuck yeah ik im in too

The Saviour: whats going on

The Saviour: i swear yall will clean if you break down my house

cinnamon roll: no and yknow it

 

————

 

cockblocked: not to be dramatic but josh jus did the sickest back flip to the pool

frerad#1: awemt u deunk?

cockblocked: not at all im pretty sober :D

PURE chilD: unlike gerard who just asked frank if he wanted to be his boyfriend 

cockblocked: josh is asking what he said

PURE chilD: no

PURE chilD: and gerards crying on the floor now 

frerard#1: gee saod no?

PURE chilD: no, frank said no

tired mom: yd he said no

PURE chilD: idk im more worried about how gees crying on the floor

colder than jadis: wat a fivking idito 

PURE chilD: nvm he just got up and went over to eat the cake

cinnamon roll: AWWW CAKE

cockblocked: where are u all i lost u :(

brandem: DALL

brandem: GUESS WHAT IMMA DO

cockblocked: im suprised you type so well while drunk

brandem: thats bc im patrick

cockblocked: oh hey

brandem: nvm hes about to get in a shot competition w/gerard

cockblocked: WHY ARENT YOU STOPPING HIM

brandem: bc im tired, his phone is weird and they gave me gummies

cockblocked: OMGOMGDONGDONAT

The Saviour: WEALL ABUYT TO DEE ONE OF GERADAS WAYS SHOT COMPRTIITON

frerard#1: omw 

frerar#1: some1 dual 911

smol rat: Not to be dramatic but I went away five minutes and you all are letting my boyfriend get a ethilic coma. 

cockblocked: your what now

PURE chilD: why that perfect grammar

smol rat: Voice to text. 

PURE chilD: why

smol rat: I’m carrying doritos.   

cinnamon roll: why doesnt brendon stop choking 

cockblocked: hes trying to beat gerard

frerad#1: hw isny doung peetty well

tired mom: wheres pete

cockblocked: with mikey

PURE chilD: mikeys with me?

smol rat: where u at

PURE chilD: watching ty get his tongue deep into josh throat

smol rat: rad

 

—————

 

[private chat between Patrick Stump and Gerard Way]

PS: GERARD  

I JUST FUCKED UP BIG TIME

GERARD WHERE ARE YOU  

GERARD PLEASE

GW: im busy whatcha wang 

PS: i just did something 

really really bad 

GW: r u ok?

PS: no i just 

really were are you

GW: wait ill go down 

PS: hurry up please im at the front door

GW: omw

 

—

 

tired mom: did i just saw gerard running down the stairs shirtless

colder than jadis: my brother WAT

frerard#1: YA I TOTLLY SAE HUM STAMPKNG THE FLLR 

smol rat: y r u typing all caps

frerard#1: IN DRYNK SNF NY PHONE CRSSHED 

colder than jadis: how

frerard#1: PETE CSNE RUNNINH ONTO NE

tired mom: can we go back at the part were gerard was half naked upstairs and pete didnt appear to shout

smol rat: nah dude

colder than jadis: y was he shirtless?

smol rat: how was i suppesd to give hin hivkeys with it ln?

colder than jadis: gross

tired mom: oml 

tired mom: anyway this reminds me

tired mom: didnt we hace something to do ty?

frerad#1: YO EIGHT

tired mom: nop ur 2 drunk

tired mom: idk where gerard went

tired mom: dallon is fucking with brendon 

tired mom: idk what franks doing and i dont want to know either 

smol rat: wonk

colder than jadis: W O N K

tired mom: and petes acting weird so nvm

 

————-

 

brandem: hey im:

brandem: dying

cockblocked: told ya not to drink that much 

colder than jadis: u wanna shut the fuck

smol rat: oooh someones hung oveeeer

brandem: how r u so good? 

smol rat: i woke up hour before yall got up solved my problems walked to the ways and now my head is perfectly fine

brandem: w h y 

colder than jadis: amazing the midget gets to cuddle with my brother and im on the floor not knowing where pete is and fucking DYING

smol rat: im not getting cuddles??

smol rat: gees sleeping with pat so yeah sadly no

cinnamon roll: is pat ok? 

cinnamon roll: last time i saw him he looked v stressed

smol rat: i dont think so but i dont know what happened so 

tired mom: so something definitely happen last night

tired mom: i was about to leave and run onto pete, he is v v v stressed and mumbling something  

colder than jadis: YES SOMETHING HAPPENED 

colder than jadis: he doesnt want to kiss me?? 

colder than jadis: this man is the most lovesick idiot i know, somethings up

The Saviour has left the chat

cinnamon roll: that pretty much confirmes it 

cinnamon roll: this is scary

 

————-

 

colder than jadis: alright now im Worried

colder than jadis: has anyone talked with pete?

frerard#1: not since yesterday 

cockblocked: he doesnt answer his phone

brandem: hes been offline all day oh god

procrastinator: leave him alone  

colder than jadis: gerard im worried

procrastinator: ik but just, leave him alone for now

procrastinator: also pls stop calling patrick

colder than jadis: what happened?

colder than jadis: why is no one telling me anything? 

procrastinator: just stop, mikey, really, trust me 

 

— —

 

[ Private chat between Gerard Way and Frank Iero]

FI: pete just called me  

FI: mikey was right to be worried  

GW: that bad?

FI: id say worse than pat but its different yknow

FI: im going to see him 

GW: dont let him do anything stupid

FI: ik, ill see you later babe

GW: im gonna stay with trick, bye frankie

 

——

 

[Private chat between Mikey Way and Gerard Way]

MW: gerard 

MW: gerard please

MW: why arent patrick and pete answering 

MW: goddamnit gee 

MW: are they ok at least?

MW: im really worried  

MW: what happened

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont like how paired the chapters and the thousands of words are, but nvm, i guess theres more important shit going on huh


	8. he wants a Claudia, you may die for stepping on his expensive paints and he’s a soft boi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys patrick is doing better, cant say the same about pete tho lmao
> 
> ON OTHER NEWS, i solved the weird spacing thing wich is n i c e

 

smol rat: you know what i really really want

brandem: tell me what you want what you really really want 

smol rat: i wanna i wanna i wanna

cinnamon roll: IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER 

smol rat: anyway i want a plum

cinnamon roll: ooh plums i like

smol rat: but like, a really specific kind

brandem: there are more than one kind of plum?

smol rat: obviously 

smol rat: i want claudia

cinnamon roll: like the super model?

brandem: i was thinking about the wife of the roman emperor that executed jesus  

brandem: but ok 

cinnamon roll: wat the fuck is wrong with you

smol rat: hello? i want my claudia plum? 

procrastinator: I WILL GET YOU ONE

procrastinator: WAIT

cinnamon roll: the heck

cinnamon roll: OMG  

cinnamon roll: I JUST REMEMBERED THAT YOU TWO WERE FINALLY TOGETHER

procrastinator: excuse me

procrastinator: wat

smol rat: gee my plum

frerard#1: HAVE I HEARD CORRECTLY

frerard#1: MY NAME IS FINALMY CORRECT?

frerard#1: #FRERARD IS CONFIRMED?

smol rat: it wont anymore IF MY PLUM DOESNT ARRIVE 

procrastinator: im on MY WAY

frerad#1: OMG IVE WAITED FOR THIS MY ENTIRE LIFE

procrastinator: you re too dramatic ty 

frerard#1: NO YOU TWO WERE BORN TO BE TOGETHER  

smol rat: you know what was also born to be with me? 

smol rat: THE FUCKING PLUM THAT YALL PROMISED ME

procrastinator: im working on it jeez

frerard#1: KEHEJSGSKSHAKABKASBKAA

frerard#1: OEBLAGELSBAKAJSMSHSNAKA 

brandem: you two cute af

colder than jadis: i knew the hickeys were franks

smol rat: watcha problem 

tired mom: is no one else worried about pete not talking to anyone?

smol rat: hes good

smol rat: needs to be alone 

colder than jadis: patrick is also acting weird

procrastinator: hes with me we are going to franks with his stupid plums

smol rat: :))

PURE chilD: im ok mikey  

PURE chilD: sorry for worrying you

colder than jadis: thank god at least youre good 

cinnamon roll: hey what happened to get you that bad trick?

PURE chilD: nothing

PURE chilD has left the chat 

procrastinator: dont pull much on him guys 

hes having a bad time

cinnamon roll: tell him that im sorry for asking it wasnt my intention

procrastinator: its ok

smol rat: STOP BEING SO DEPPRESIONG YALL LETS HAVE FUN

smol rat: CMON TY  

smol rat: ill let you ask something about gee and i 

frerard#1: oh OH O H 

frerard#1: LEMME

procrastinator: I DIDNT AGREE TO THIS ??

tired mom: step it over gerard it for the greatest good

brandem: YEAH GERAR THE GREATEST GOOD

frerard#1: when did this start? how? was it bc of us? hiw do you feel about it? how has it been? does lil frankie bottom?

smol rat: woah there cowboy 

smol rat: though a said one thing

smol rat: and what ya mean i bottom

procrastinator: we dont have a bunk bed?

frerard#1: look like the last one has been answered 

frerard#1: hm

brandem: HM 

brandem: L O O K S LIKE YOU OWE ME H M 

frerard#1: damned gerard

procrastinator: scuse me 

brandem: thx you got me twenty bucks  

procrastinator: SCUSE ME 

smol rat: your an idiot tyler  

brandem: your 

procrastinator: your

colder than jadis: your

frerard#1: your

smol rat: istg 

frerard#1: SINCE WHEN ARE U 2 A THING

smol rat: officially or,,,?

smol rat: bc i mean its been quite a few years yknow

procrastinator: but ya i asked him out last week 

frerard#1: JDHELSBSKSBSKSVSKSVSKSVSKSHWKWGDKDBS 

cinnamon roll: you killed him guys 

brandem: rip 

colder than jadis: f to pay respect

smol rat: f  

procrastinator: f  

brandem: f

cinnamon roll: f 

cockblocked: this only makes last night 10x better 

procrastinator: what happened last night

cockblocked: you asked frank out

procrastinator: so? were together 

cockblocked: ya but he said no and you CRIED 

tired mom: IT WAS HILARIOUS

tired mom: MY GOD I DIDNT REMEMBER THANK YOU DALLON

smol rat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA GUYS 

smol rat: IVE GOT MY CLAUDIA 

smol rat: AND A CUTE PATRICK 

smol rat: BUT IVE GOT MY PLUMSSSSSS GUYSSSS 

smol rat has sent an image to the chat

colder than jadis: patrick looks sad

cinnamon roll: i think thats why hes getting cuddles from them mikes

smol rat: it totally is, poor baby

 

———

 

cinnamon roll: WASSUP BOIS IVE DECIDE TO DYE MY HAIR

cockblocked: what for 

colder than jadis: HELL YEAH

cinnamon roll: what you mean what for

cinnamon roll: aesthetic obvs 

procrastinator: what color r u gonna get

cinnamon roll: im not sure yet! 

cinnamon roll: suggestions?

smol rat: blue like the lesbian basic girl you are

cinnamon roll: wow r00d 

procrastinator: patrick suggests purple but soft like lilac

cinnamon roll: better 

frerard#1: PINK

cinnamon roll: aw pretty nice too

cockblocked: so what are you gonna do?

cinnamon roll: how about half lilac half pink? 

smol rat: sounds cute

cinnamon roll: WELL SO BE IT

frerard#1: ill go with you to buy the dye :D

cinnamon roll: <3

— colder than jadis has eliminated procrastinator from the group chat —

colder than jadis: I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP BIG TIME 

cockblocked: you know gerard can read from franks phone? 

colder than jadis: SHIT

smol rat: nono

smol rat: dont 

smol rat: i wont tell him

colder than jadis: you SWEAR?

smol rat: YEAH

colder than jadis: FOR BOWIE?

brandem: w a t  

smol rat: umm

brandem: frank wat

colder than jadis: FRANK 

smol rat: YES I SWEAR FOR BOWIE GODDAMN WHAT DID YOU DO

colder than jadis: i fucked up guys

colder than jadis: i stepped over gerards expensive paints

cockblocked: HAHA IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU 

brandem: youre so dead milky

smol rat: lol 

colder than jadis: no dudes help me help me

smol rat: lost one of his cheap pencils and got blocked  

colder than jadis: NOT HELPING 

smol rat: not trying either

colder than jadis: WHAT DO I DO GUYS

brandem: buy them new ones before he notices? 

colder than jadis: im fucking broke

smol rat: is that or your dick man

smol rat: its your decision

colder than jadis: what if i tell mom

brandem: donna doesnt mess up with gerards art stuff

colder than jadis: fuckfufuvkfuvk

smol rat: erase everything gerard is bitching about being nack

— smol rat has added procrastinator to the group chat —

procrastinator: may i ask WHY WAS I EXPULSED

cockblocked: nothing important 

brandem: not at all

cinnamon roll: GUYS

cinnamon roll: THIS SHIT HURTS

cinnamon rolls: AND IM PRETTY SURE ITS BC TY HAS NO IDEA WHAT HES DOING

frerard#1: i do know what im doing

procrastinator: he said, not knowing what he was doing 

frerard#1: le gasp

cinnamon rolls: but anyway

cinnamon rolls: im excited about this guys  

procrastinator: wait tricky wants in

procrastinator has added PURE chilD to the chat

PURE chilD: so well??

PURE chilD: i wanna see josh

cinnamon roll has sent an image to the groupchat

cinnamon roll: WE RE ABOUT TO PUT IT ON :DD

smol rat: you look like justin bieber

cinnamon roll: excuse me WHAT

procrastinator: nah he looks like my hamster

smol rat: garlic bread? 

procrastinator: i,, i only have one hamster

cockblocked: dude, you 

cockblocked: you named your hamster garlic bread

cinnamon roll: of course he did

cinnamon roll: ty wants to know how garllie is doing

procrastinator: im not at home but hes good :D

cockblocked: garllie,,,

PURE chilD: aw i like garllie and i think its a cute name

procrastinator: i wanted to name them milkyway 

procrastinator: but mikey yelled at me so 

cockblocked: so you decided to name it garlic bread im-

procrastinator: dallon are you telling me this is the weirdest thing ive done since you know me 

cinnamon roll: youve done a lot of weird shit

PURE chilD: and DANEGEROUS 

brandem: danegerous 

PURE chilD: ugh leave me alone

colder than jadis: GUYS IVE GOT IT

— PURE chilD has left the group chat —

procrastinator: watcha got mikes

colder than jadis: oh heyy

colder than jadis: nothing important 

colder than jadis: bye. 

procrastinator: huh 

rude

tired mom: is he aware that hes gonna notice the newness?

brandem: idk theyre both pretty dumb

procrastinator: ???? 

tired mom: enjoy your new paints gerard

procrastinator: my new what now

procrastinator: mikey?

procrastinator: do you have anything to tell me?

 

procrastinator: michael. 

— colder than jadis has left the group chat —

tired mom: gerard youre breaking this groupchat

procrastinator: ME?

brandem: ME! 

brandem: yeah you jared

frerard #1: GUYS JOSHS HAIR IS DONE 

frerard#1: IT LOOK AMAZING GUYS

smol rat: well? show us

— frerard#1 has sent an image to the group chat —

cockblocked: that looks so soft omg 

procrastinator: pat says your cute joss

frerard#1: wohs joss 

cinnamon roll: thanks pat <3

procrastinator: <3

brandem: i have to say i didnt have a lot of trust on the purple/pink thing 

smol rat: lilac*

brandem: ...right

brandem: but it looks good dude :)

cinnamon roll: thanks uwu

smol rat: such a pure soul

cockblocked: it goes with his new hair 

procrastinator: XD

brandem: what the fUCK ID THAT

cockblocked: an xd face 

brandem: GERSF WHAT 

smol rat: have you heard about my new boyfriend guys? his name? gersf obvs 

procrastinator: i cant believe patricks betrayed me like that

procrastinator: im never letting my phone to anyone ever again 

— frerard#1 has changed procrastinators name to  gersf —

gersf: excuse me  

gersf: EHAT

brandem: oops

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you were expecting some serious shit you were S O wrong, this is basically crack


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is just me deciding i want my babey awsten in so stfu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friendly reminder :)
> 
> brandem- brendon  
> cockblocked- dallon  
> gersf- gerard  
> smol rat- frank  
> tired mom- ray  
> colder than jadis- mikey  
> pURE CHILd- patrick  
> frerard#1- tyler  
> cinnamon roll- josh
> 
> thats all i belive plus pete (The Saviour) but whatevs yknow

brandem: Lechuga.

colder than jadis: ????

brandem: in spanish when you want to encourage someone to not give up you tell the /lechuga/

frerard#1: no u dont???

brandem: yes

brandem: its the short of never give up

frerard#1: no it isnt???

brandem: yes it is 

brandem: whos the 1thst knows spanish here

colder than jadis: p sure its tyler

frerard#1: bren, lechuga doesnt mean that

brandem: what does it mean then

frerard#1: lettuce

colder than jadis: google traductor also says that

brandem: hows it gonna be lettuce

cockblocked: lettuce, noun; cultivated plant from the daisy family, with edible leaves

colder than jadis: its also the only thing frank eats

smol rat: you know what milky fuck you 

frerard#1: who told u that brendon?

brandem: this kid in my science class

smol rat: add him1!1!1!1!1

cockblocked: no wait who is him?

— brandem has added that1kid to the chat —

that1kid: WHY IS MY NAME THAT

brandem: its the way i have u in my contacts as

smol rat: why?

that1kid: I HAVE A NAME YKNOW

colder than jadis: whys he typping in all caps

that1kid: MOSTLY AESTHETIC BUT IT LOOKES APPROPPIATTE

frerard#1: approppiatte

brandem: L M A O 

cockblocked: BRENDON WHO IS THIS

brandem: that1kid -from my science class

that1kid: MY NAME IS AWSTEN

smol rat: that’s ridiculous 

that1kid: says the RAT

smol rat: le gasp

gersf: what is this austin dude doing in my group chat

that1kid: wow rude

brandem: first of all its MY group chat

that1kid: and my names awsten no austin 

— frerard#1 changed that1kid names to lettuce dude — 

colder than jadis: looks like ur part of us all now

lettuce dude: nice

gersf: what the fuck lechuga

lettuce dude: EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH

brandem: i cant belive u LIED to me 

brandem: i thought we had chemistry 

lettuce dude: no we have science

cockblocked: im not even mad just bc of that pun

lettuce dude: i have no idea who any of you are apart from brandem

brandem: rude

— —

[Private chat between Gerard Way and Patrick Stump]

GW: cmon trick theres some new guy

GW: let me add you

GW: try to distract yourself w/ this

PS: is mikey talking?

GW: a bit

PS: i cant gee

PS: how am i gonna do this

GW: you can talk to him tomorrow in person but for now try to not think about it

PS: alright

— —

gersf: PAT WANTS TO MEET THE NEW ONE WAIT A MOMENTO FUCKERS

— procrastinator has added pURE CHILd to the chat —

pURD CHILd: hi everyone 

gersf:right since anstein is new here LETS DO A PRESENTATIO ROUND

lettuce dude: anstein

smol rat: who cares youre lettuce dude now

lettuce dude: who is this rat and why is it so mean

smol rat: im frank, wassup

gersf: hes mean cos hes the shortest here

smol rat: haha guys im single again who wants to fuck 

lettuce dude: ???

gersf: you could never leave me and im gerard btw austen

colder than jadis: how many ways of messing up his name are you going to find g?

gersf: ill see as i go

lettuce dude: sorry “colder than jadis” is that jadis from narnia?

colder than jadis: fucking pete 

cockblocked: yes it is 

colder than jadis: im mikey 

cockblocked: and im dallon :)

lettuce dude: whos pete????

brandem: he left the chat coz internal crisis we dont know about

smol rat: but im sure hell b back in no time

pURE CHILd: yeah sure...

lettuce dude: that child looks more sad than pure tho

pURE CHILd: im patrick nice to meet you

lettuce dude: aww he was cute after all

tired mom: PATRICK HOW ARE YOU DOING 

tired mom: are you feeling better? :(

pURE CHILd: yea yes dont worry

tired mom: also HI awsten im ray :D

lettuce dude: you are the mom i guess

tired mom: a tired one indeed

gersf: RAY call ty and josh they havent met arsion yet

lettuce dude: ARSION

— frerard#1 has changed lettuce dude name to arsion —

arsion: im gonna kms

cinnamon roll: pls dont

frerard#1: do it you coward

arsion: ?????????

cinnamon roll: im josh and im sure your name is not arsion

arsion: awsten actually thx gerard 

gersf: <3

frerard#1: IM TYLER AND IM MAD

brandem: hello tyler

frerard#1: stfu brendom omg

arsion: umm whats frerard?

cockblocked: NO

colder than jadis: NO

pURE CHILd: NO

tired mom: NOO

cinnamon roll: mymy

frerard#1: IELEJSKSBSLZJLSGSKSBSLSHSKSJSKSJ

arsion: lol you guys are crazy i love u already

frerard#1: IM PRETTY SURE YOUVE SEEN FRANK AROUND

arsion: idk who he is like idk how he looks

colder than jadis: looks like a middle schooler is actually a junior, punches people around

arsion: like two piercings in nose and lip?

tired mom: yeah thats my problematic son

arsion: oh yes he almost knocked me once 

cinnamon roll: sounds about frankie yea

frerard#1: WELL HE AND GERARD ARE LIKE MARRIED SINCE THEY ARE SIX AND THEY GOT TOGETHER OFICIALLY LAST WEEK AND IM LIVING ON IT

arsion: in prob picturing gerard p bad so in my head right now its not cute at all

colder than jadis: wait ill get u a photo frank is over rn

pURE CHILd: mikey and gee are brothers

arsion: right what else should i know

tired mom: pete is missing and hes usually the louder and emoest but lately is being p depressing? and is acting weird so dont put it on him hes v nice 

gersf: and also fucking my brother

gersf: talking of which 

gersf: WHO OF YOU SENT HIM DOWN HERE TO ANNOY 

— colder than jadis has sent an image to the chat — 

gersf: istg

lettuce dude: OHHH YOURE CUTE

frerard#1: YESSSSSYESS

arsion: gerard still sounds like an asshole tho

cockblocked: hes just that way with newcomers 

gersf: first of all im a sweetheart 

gersf: second thats impersonation 

cockblocked: such big words for someone that called a ring ‘finger earring’

gersf: stfu dallon this y no1 likes u

smol rat: yall go suck a dick

colder than jadis: GERARD NOT LITERALLY PLS STOP

arsion: lol they fucking?

frerard#1: JEHELSJALSBAKZNKSVXKSBAKSJAKAVSLAJ

brandem: that reminds me 

brandem: babe come over

cockblocked: what for

brandem: yknow

cockblocked: i dont

brandem: sigh i gotta tidy the garage come make me company

arsion: sorry is everyone here gay?

tired mom: yea why

arsion: cool 

 


	10. They got a little business, he is living a soap opera and they have a lot going on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard is a mom and Awsten lives in the middle of a soap opera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aha aha ha im overwhelmed and i don’t have any good coping mechanism 
> 
>  
> 
> also mcr is back?? im?? crying?? still??   
> conclusion: life is a fever dream and nothing is real

gersf: guess what i just did

cockblocked: wht

cinnamon roll: surprise me

gersf: just buyed a tattoo gun

brandem: "buyed" 

gersf: fuck off

arsion: do you do this often?

cockblocked: what one of us buying an ilegal item for our age and the rest only complaining about grammar at three in the morning?

cockblocked: coz yeah

smol rat: guys im crying hes so good

cinnamon roll: let me guess, gerard?

smol rat: he tattoos so well for his first time

cockblocked: omg where are the adults of the group

arsion: DID YOU LET THAT GUY TATTOO YOU??

brandem: haha we running outta moms

arsion: THIS IS OMG THIS AINT NORMAL

cinnamon roll: dallon tell them something:

cockblocked: me? why me?

cinnamon roll; you're next to use the braincell

cockblocked: no wtf

cockblocked: i dont wanna use the braincell

brandem:guess you gotta

arsion: I cant believe you only have one(1) braincell

smol rat: we had two but mikes got depressed

cinnamon roll: where the FUCK is ray

smol rat: dunno. asleep?

cockblocked: ok omg

cockblocked: frank?

smol rat: ya

cockblocked: are you getting tattoed rn?

smol rat: yea

cockblocked: by gerard?

smol rat: affirmativitily

cockblocked: who has never done it before?

smol rat: he did sum pretty stick n pokes

arsion: sweet

cockblocked: wheres the tattoo frank?

smol rat: youd likea know wouldnt ya weather boi

arsion: crying

brandem: dall you dont know how to use that braincell

cinnamon roll: you r killing our only braincell you dumbfuck 

cockblocked: this is HARD 

cockblocked: i admire ray n patrick so much for putting up with this

cockblocked: imma cry

gersf: im a man of many talents

gersf: im a GOD

gersf: imma become R I C H 

arsion: w/ what

gersf: ilegal tattooing 

cinnamon roll: cant wait for patrick to solve his issues and come back

smol rat: we r doing great. 

cockblocked: i know of at leat an irresponsably done tattoo and ilegal business idea that beg to differ

brandem: we r FINE 

brandem: gerard ill find you the clients if you share the benefits

gersf: deal

cockblocked: y does ray have to sleep like normal people

smol rat: fuck em chicken strips

brandem: yea we can hold ourselfs

arsion: frank let a guy with 0 prior experience give him a tattoo and jared n brendon r about to become young delinquents

brandem: young delinquents

brandem: hes so pretentious

brandem: its just a small independent business

brandem: “young delunquents”

cinnamon roll: wheres mikey

gersf: crying in his room like the angst teen he is

arsion: your all a disaster i love you guys

smol rat: you’re*

cinnamon roll: whats goin on with michael

gersf: nonya business

gersf: BUT

brandem: oh tea. 

gersf: petes comin over tomorrow

cinnamon roll: its been so long, hows he?

gersf: bad 

gersf: ANYWAY

gersf: guess whos ALSO comin over tomorrow

brandem: who

gersf: PATRICK

cockblocked: lmao

cinnamon roll: hope they get together

smol rat: we will see how it goes

brandem: sorry WHAT

arsion: what

cinnamon roll: oof forgot we didnt tell bren lol

cockblocked: dont tell them pretty sure patrick wouldnt want

gersf: ye shut yo asses motherfuckers cos mikey doesnt know yet at all and hes already gonna b annoyed

brandem: first what the FUCk did i just read 

brendom: second why am i the only one not knowing

brandem: im annoyed

smol rat: such a shame. 

gersf: GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE

gersf: imma get a good night sleep to be pretty in the morning to face the drama

smol rat: you r always pretty :)

gersf: :)

brandem: cute. im still mad

arsion: im not sure if three am counts as good night sleep

smol rat: shut up awsten

cockblocked: lets all go to sleep and wake up to the tea that g has to spill

cinnamon roll: sound good

brandem: I DONT KNO NOTHING BOUT THIS TEA

gersf: sh. 

— — — — —

gersf: motherfuckers

gersf: assemble

smol rat: cant believe you kicked me out

frerard#1: cant believe you didnt let me go

gersf: no

gersf: noone can be here

gersf: even i am not here

brandem: ??

gersf: im crouched in the garden shut up i have it all planed out

frerard#1: fake bitch

tired mom: wait wait are they talking?

gersf: no its just pat and mikey

gersf: they r sitting there awkwardly 

frerad#1: pete?

gersf: havent arrived yet 

cockblocked: wait how come they r all gonna talk?

smol rat: pete went to talk to mikey coz he was done with the self deprecation

cinnamon roll: patrick?

gersf: i told him to come over when i found out about pete

cinnamon roll: and he agreed?

gersf: MAYBE i didnt mention pete nor mikey 

gersf: aw patrick looks about to cry

gersf: i feel bad

tired mom: dont gerard, they need to talk

gersf: but they are not and theyre suffering 

gersf: i havent seen mikey this awkward ever and patrick is practically shaking

tired mom: gerard no.

cockblocked: its gonna b worth it

frerard#1: if they dont stop functioning before

smol rat: tyler so positive

frerard#1: what can i say they dont call me mr positive for anything 

cinnamon roll: literally no one calls you that

Frerard#1 changed their nickname to Mr Positive.

mr positive: fuck you

gersf: pete has arrived.

brandem: well??

gersf: he looks miserable and kinda surprised

gersf: all silent

cockblocked: god the tension

gersf: mikey just stood up and confronted pete

gersf: patrick is crying fuck

brandem: very sad but WHAT are they saying

gersf: well

gersf: pete doesnt say much, looks on the verge of tears

patrick is plain off crying and just sobbed out that he kissed pete  

mikey doesnt know whats going on, kinda shocked 

brandem: PATRICK WHAT

smol rat: yeah at the party lol no one knew brendon dont whine

mr positive: well damn i didnt know THAT

gersf: petes like “i was the one kissin him its my fault blabla”

cinnamon roll: blabla?

gersf: idk man theyre a mess theres crying and yelling idk leave me alone

tired mom: what about mikey?

gersf: just collapsed on the couch stunned

gersf: god patrick

tired mom: is he ok?

gersf: no he apologised and cried more and run downstairs

mr positive: poor thing :(

gersf: yknow what imma go with him

brandem: quick question how are you gonna get there?

gersf: you fool

gersf: you absolute Buffon

gersf: im a man of many talents

mr positive: didnt know your talents included invisibility

gersf: shut up i left my window open

tired mom: DONT

tired mom: you r too useless

smol rat: whats the worse that could happen

smol rat: if he hurts himself he hurts himself

gersf: doesnt matter

cockblocked: such a good mom

brandem: for a crackhead

tired mom: guys lets be serious

cinnamon roll: i dont think thats our cup of tea

smol rat: yeah being dumb is our coping mechanism 

cockblocked: its not a very good coping mechanism 

cinnamon roll: its all we can afford

mr positive: we got such a low budget

tired mom: no but really guys

tired mom: our friends are not having a good time

brandem: they will be fiiiineee

brandem: mikey and pete are like in love with each other since forever

mr positive: yea and theyd have had to talk about it sooner or later 

cinnamon roll: im a fan of awsten

cinnamon roll: dudes just in the middle kinda like out of place

arsion: this is better than a soap opera tbh

smol rat: what can i tell you our lifes are full of drama

arsion: and comedy

arsion: you guys are really funny

brandem: comedic drama

arsion: you really are unique lmao

 

mr positive: i wanna know how mikey and pete are doing 

cockblocked: im this close to going over and eavesdrop ngl

gersf: update. Patrick is crying so hard he threw up 

tired mom: dear god

arsion: aw i feel bad poor him

gersf: good news. i dont hear yelling from upstairs so it might not go that bad

mr positive: that doesnt mean anything at all

tired mom: lets hope they r just talking calmly 

brandem: doesnt sound like them but ok

— — —

gersf: so guys

gersf: i got a problem

tired mom: how did it go??

gersf: well patrick is passed out and we havent gone upstairs so idk about the others

brandem: shouldnt you like check on them?

mr positive: have they talked to anyone here?

cinnamon roll: i dont think so

smol rat: no definitely 

gersf: yeah well back to MY problem

gersf: am hungry 

cockblocked: is that what worries yo rn?

gersf: yeah pretty much

tired mom: just go eat something

gersf: cant. if i find mikey he will yell at me, or what if pete is still here

smol rat: its been hours

gersf: what if they r fucking 

mr positive: in the living room.

tired mom: that would mean theyre ok just sayin

smol rat: unprobable

cockblocked: agree with frank

gersf: k but im HUNGRY

brandem: sounds like a you problem

arsion: wow mean

gersf: i will go upstairs if i get yelled at im blaming yall fuckers

smol rat: blame your shit diet

mr positive: his what now

tired mom: stop it 

gersf: stop aTTACKING Me

gersf: btw theres no one here

cockblocked: damn where did they go

smol rat: ...

cinnamon roll: hoe dont you dare

smol rat: im JUST SAYIn

cinnamon roll: can you not think bad about some1 for once

mr positive: ugh josh some1

cinnamon roll: LeAvE mE aLoNe!1!1!1!

gersf: and u dare call me dramatic

 

 


	11. they made a new friend, and he doesn’t have a piss kink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY 2020   
> i’m so tired and always late for everything oh god 
> 
> take this bag of trash featuring milky way, pete and the dead president of the us

procrastinator: yo we made brownies

brandem: I made them

procrastinator: irrelevant

cockblocked: why does your house stink of weed?

brandem: take a wild guess

tired mom: you made pot brownies?

procrastinator: i deserve them ive worked a lot lately 

mr positive: wait are you three at brendons?

cockblocked: yes

mr positive: omw

brandem: bring some caprisuns

mr positive: weird but ok

tired mom: wait for me im coming too

procrastinator: can you like stop at franks and pick me up a shirt?

tired mom: ?????yes?

tired mom: why dont you go home tho?

procrastinator: and confront the trio of dumbasses? no thanks

cockblocked: you really did put yourself out there for nothing huh

procrastinator: why dont you SHUT the FUCK uP

brandem: just another idiot decision made by the idiot twink

procrastinator: bitch i-

mr positive: you better not be eating those brownies without me

cockblocked: they re actually pretty nice

mr positive: kys

tired mom: i am confusion

tired mom: i got your shirt gerard but let me tell you your husband is fucking weird

procrastinator: same shit different name 

tired mom: he and josh are doing something with their dogs

mr positive: theyre trying to train them

brandem: how cool is that

mr positive: their dogs are dumber than them

procrastinator: is there anything that you enjoy you little mad gremlin?

— brandem changed mr positive’s nickname to gremlin —

gremlin: istg i will literally throw this caprisuns to the river

brandem: pls dont

procrastinator: its been a real rough week

cockblocked: you teared apart our whole group of friends

tired mom: but we also made a new friend!

tired mom: we should invite awsten to hang out since weve never really seen him?

brandem: i mean its not a bad idea

procrastinator: i would love to but i dont want to

arsion: hi guys lol you back at it again?

brandem: yeah you wanna come hang out with us :)?

arsion: im with a friend tho

gremlin: bring him lets make friends

procrastinator: lets make what now

tired mom: dont be a hermit

procrastinator: i would need to be able to isolate myself for that 

gremlin: cmon motherfucker we gon make new frens and we boutta like it. 

brandem: can you b CAREFUL those are my BABIES

tired mom: brendon those are caprisuns

arsion: YOU GOT CUPRISUNS?

arsion: SEND US THE @ WE COMIN

procrastinator: we didnt even tell em about the weed brownies

gremlin: no need to either

— — —

smol rat: gerard your brother is texting me

procrastinator: i dont have a brother good night sir

smol rat: its the middle of the afternoon talk to your brother

procrastinator: new phone who this 

smol rat: where are you

procrastinator: inside of everyone in your heart im the holy ghost 

brandem: youre inside of me?

gremlin: get outta me you piss boy

procrastinator: what you gonna do pee on me? 

gremlin: youd like that wouldnt you piss boy

— brandem has changed procrastinator’s name to piss boy —

smol rat: TALK TO YOUR BROTHER 

piss boy:  NANANANANA

— arsion has added george washington to the chat —

smol rat: whos this now

cinnamon roll: OMG MISTER PRESIDENT SIR??

george washington: i hate you so much awsten 

arsion: LOVE YOU

cockblocked: WE MADE A NEW FRIEND

cockblocked: his name is geoff

george washington: :)

smol rat: isnt that a pokemon?

george washington: :(

cinnamon roll: lmao how come

piss boy: hes awstens boyfren

arsion: YEYEYEYEYE 

piss boy: but geoff is like nice 

george washington: ty gee <3

piss boy: <3

smol rat: tf 

smol rat: stop adopting gays and talk to the ones you already have

piss boy: no thank you

cinnamon roll: we r comin over btw 

smol rat: NOW PETES ALSO TALKIN TO ME GERAR R RDd

piss boy: talk to joe

piss boy: joe mama

cinnamon roll: hes gonna hit you in the balls

piss boy: thats all he can reach to punch

smol rat: SAY THAT TO MY FACE I FUCKIN DARE YOU 

gremlin: f, gerard a way, a twink from beginning to end 

brandem: f

george washington: f

arsion: f

tired mom: f

cockblocked: f

cinnamon roll: f 

piss boy: f i looked for it myself

smol rat: im adding the annoying bastards

george washington: omg are you telling me that the thing with his brothers boyfriend and all that is true

smol rat: yes son yes and im not the one dealing with it

george washington: I THOUGHT THEY WERE HIGH RAMBLING

arsion: no 

— smol rat added The Saviour to the chat —

— smol rat added colder than jadis to the chat —

arsion: oh my god 

george washington: i thought you knew them???

arsion: not these two i only heard of them

The Savior: HELLO SLUTS

tired mom: >:(

The Saviour: and ray <3

tired mom: :)

piss boy: lmao we stan acting like nothin happened

colder than jadis: gerard 

piss boy: bye 

colder than jadis: hoe dont

colder than jadis: gerard arthur 

brandem: W H A T 

brandem: the a stands for ARTHUR? 

brandem: also hi guys nice to read ya again :)

The Saviour: lol

gremlin: hows that going

The Saviour: oh yknow half cheatin with the guy my boyfriend has a crush on 

smol rat: this is why i dont want to deal with it 

gremlin: legend 

colder than jadis: does anyone like know where patrick is? 

tired mom: not since gerard sneaked up to eat some snacks and ended up making pot brownies with brendon

colder than jadis: not going to ask

— smol rat has added PURE chilD to the chat — 

smol chat: wya trick

PURE chilD: ??? home

smol rat: rad

The Saviour: told ya

PURE chilD: fuck 

colder than jadis: yea we should have gone first

smol rat: YOU DIDNT EVEN TRY BEFORE ANNOYING ME?

The Saviour: no lol why

smol rat: kys

arsion: im too high for this

The Saviour: NEW PEOPLE 

The Saviour: WHO THIS

brandem: thats awsten hes from my science class but gerard liked his boyfriend so now hes our friend

arsion: lmao

colder than jadis: his boyfriend is the dead president of the us?

george washington: i hate my life sm

gremlin: no thats geoff 

The Saviour: i dont get it

arsion: his whole name is geoff wingington

The Saviour: ok i get it 

cockblocked: why is everything so good

The Saviour: yolo

gremlin: socks

cinnamon roll: tyler dont

The Saviour: wELL IM PETE WENTZ 

The Saviour: AND HES MIKEYWAY

colder than jadis: why is gerards name piss boy

colder than jadis: is it bc of his piss kink?

piss boy: I DONT HAVE A PISS KINK JEKDHDLSVSKDBSLAM

colder than jadis: yes you do 

piss boy: N o kebdlshdlenwl

gremlin: its more of a vomit kink i believe

piss boy: N OOOO

piss boy: i just find it interesting 

piss boy: yknow watching people throw up

tired mom: gerard you make it so hard for me to help you

piss boy: NO its JUST

The Saviour: frank does he like ask you to pee on him while fucking or something

piss boy: I DONT HAVE A FUCKING PISS KINK OK 

The Saviour: frank needs to confirm before we decide to believe you or not

smol rat: lmao i could ruin this man whole career

colder than jadis: i dont wanna talk about my brothers kinks

piss boy: we are not talking about that bc i DONT HAVE A PISS KINK

gremlin: he has a vomit kink im telling you guys

piss boy: NO FRANK TELL THEM

smol rat: he doesnt have a piss kink guys thats yuky

piss boy: THANK YOU

gremlin: what about the vomit tho

cockblocked: why are you so insistent on that

smol rat: i have never puked this man in my entire life

piss boy: its NOT a KINK

cinnamon roll: its not a PHASE mOM

piss boy: thats pete with his fringe

The Saviour: ITS NOT A PHASE AND ITS C O O L 

piss boy: whatever you say

The Saviour: why dont we talk about when you dyed your hair redred

tired mom: redred

piss boy: ah yes, my whore days

arsion: wh a t

gremlin: you sound like an elderly rancid woman

piss boy: AH the things ive witnessed cocKSUCKER

brandem: die

piss boy: switch uno card

brandem: i mean i could but why would i want to

smol rat: ok but it was hot

colder than jadis: your opinion is not allowed in this specific topic, and in any other

cinnamon roll: i think it was hot

colder than jadis: you are also not allowed opinions

piss boy: you are just jealous

piss boy: it was my best look

gremlin: and now youre homeless

piss boy: TAKE IT BACK

brandem: i think we are not asking the correct questions

brandem: whats important here is

brandem: red whore gerard or mikey with contacts?

tired mom: what who was hotter or what

arsion: can i have an opinion even tho ive witnessed none of the options above

colder than jadis: depends

colder than jadis: how stupid are you is still not correctly meassured in my scheme

The Saviour: MIKEY b N I C E 

tired mom: i believe hes allergic to such a thing

smol rat: he just has trust issues

smol rat: is it bc i pushed you off that bridge that one time?

tired mom: im going into cardiac arrest only reading that

colder than jadis: yes

smol rat: ha

arsion: damn son i wouldnt mess with ya if i wasnt this reckless

smol rat: thank its the anger issues

cinnamon roll: periodt

 

 

 


	12. They will do it for a dollar, he’s really tall and bitches be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “actually i need a staircase and a litre of vodka but thanks babe”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so excited about everything going down with my chem i can barely hold myself together aaaaaaaaaa
> 
> your local emotional trashbag gifts you: this Garbage, have a nice day

brandem: this is the best day ever since i discovered i could connect my phone to the libraries speakers

cinnamon roll: good to see you dont have anything going on in your life

brandem: you dont wanna know what i just discovered? 

cinnamon roll: can i be completely honest with you right now? or do you need me to be polite

cockblocked: god, just ask him so he shuts up

brandem: first off ilyt dallon

brandem: second, firecrackers. on bouncy balls.

brandem: am i a genious or am i a geneious?

tired mom: you dont even know how to write genius

cockblocked: amen

tired mom: also i cant stress enough how much that cant be a good adea

brandem: then why are tyler and frank having so much fun?

cinnamon roll: bc they dont have any thought of self preservation?

gremlin: yolo

smol rat: peace sign

cockblocked: did you really just write peace sign

smol rat: what am i supposed to do? use an emoji? no thanks

gremlin: i will put a firecraker in my pocket por five dollars

brandem: i will do it for one

tired mom: i,, i need to sit down

piss boy: mIKEY MAH WAY DOWNTOWN

cinnamon roll: lmao execute yourself

piss boy: no i just cleansed the house and imma enjoy it

piss boy: after the smell leaves thats why im going to see my bestests of friends ever and forever #bff only mine together forever, (ray)almond

gremlin: i will put a firecracker in gerards pocket for free

brandem: i will give you a dollar if you put it in his hair

gremlin: i will do it

gremlin: i will freakin do it 

colder than jadis: gerard what the fuck is this smell and why is it EVERYWHERE 

piss boy: sage and rosemary for your bad fucking vibes motherfucker

colder than jadis: this is disgusting

piss boy: then keep your bad vibes out of my cornflakes

brandem: crackalackin

smol rat: crack is what you’re on apparently 

colder than jadis: hows gonna burning some plants erase my bad vibes

piss boy: well they sure are not going to if you keep that attitude 

cinnamon roll: lmao gerard got Spiritual 

piss boy: i will do this for a living 

piss boy: does anyone need me to erase bad vibes and call em a motherfucker? cause i will do it for like uh ten bucks

cinnamon roll: why would i want a witchy dude to call me motherfucker

piss boy: idk bc of my charisma?

smol rat: i will give you a shiny rock if you doNT call me a motherfucker

piss boy: i will call you whatever you want for a shiny rock

smol rat: d

cinnamon roll: do NOT hdkdjdlana

smol rat: da

cinnamon roll: kebdlshsldjdlsjak f r a n k

smol rat: dallon i was calling for dallon

cinnamon roll: you sure you werent about to say de D word?

gremlin: dick?

brandem: dice?

cockblocked: dust?

piss boy: dominican republic?

colder than jadis: daddy he was going to say daddy

smol rat: i was actually really going to call dallon i need to know if you would reach a real tall branch from this one tree

cockblocked: ???? what for??

smol rat: im stuck here and your house is close lmao

cockblocked: werent you with brendon and tyler??

smol rat: idk i saw a dog

cockblocked: how did you end up stuck in a tree??

smol rat: i saw a dog

cockblocked: but its really fucking tall???

smol rat: dallon. i. saw. a. dog.

smol rat: help me down or go get me a red bull man i didnt ask for questions

piss boy: sounds like you need an spiritual cleansing 

smol rat: actually i need a staircase and a litre of vodka but thanks babe thats sweet

cockblocked: im still so surprised you got up there 

brandem: do you reach him even?

cockblocked: no how the hell am i gonna reach him without a staircase?

brandem: bc youre you know? Tall

brandem: like T a l l 

— gremlin changed cockblocked’s name to giraffeman —

giraffeman: i-

giraffeman: how did you make it even worse?

gremlin: its my superhero power ;)

cinnamon roll: its a shitty superhero power tho

gremlin: :(

cinnamon roll: ily ty

gremiln: dont ask me for anything ever again

brandem: they be havin marital problems 

smol rat: if anyone cares i and dallon are on our way to the hospital

cinnamon roll: dallon and i*

smol rat: not the point but k 

brandem: is dally okay???

smol rat: no lmao 

smol rat: thats why we’re going to the hospital you feel me?

tired mom: i left you for twenty minutes and two out of five of you are at the hospital? 

gremlin: it wasnt my fault

brandem: dallon????

smol rat: bitches be having a broken wrist 

smol rat: its me im bitches

piss boy: which one?

smol rat: left

piss boy: oh well you can still jerk off then

smol rat: am i not the luckiest?

brandem: DALLON HOW IS DALLON

smol rat: dont be insensitive i just broke my wrist

brandem: your own boyfriend isnt even worried

piss boy: its just, he gets hurt all the time yknow, when he breaks a rib or some shit i will worry

smol rat: bitches be being crackheads 

smol rat: its me i dont know why i said that

smol rat: btw brendon dallon is good he has a concussion

brendam: A CONCUSSION?

smol rat: so said the doctor idk

brendam: dont even move im omw

smol rat: dont be so dramatic its not like hes gonna die, if he doesnt sleep i mean

cinnamon roll: so how did he get a concussion?

smol rat: i fell on him

cinnamon roll: lol

brendam: i cant believe you got my boyfriend a concussion

smol rat: yea well now imma get MYSELF some cookies

gremlin: bitches be breaking their bones and gettin cookies like its nothin

smol rat: im so high rn i love painkillers sm

gremlin: FRANK lmao 

brendam: turns out dallon will be fine he just needs to stay awake and manage to not hurt himself

piss boy: i hope hes okay hes my favourite 

gremlin: i thought i was your favourite 

brendam: i thought it was patrick

smol rat: i SHOULD be your favourite

piss boy: i love you all equally

smol rat: i BELIEVE i deserve MORE

piss boy: you may suck my dick but tell me frank do you give me the physics homeworks?

cinnamon roll: DAMN SON BURNN

smol rat: #offended

brendam: concussed dallon is quickly becoming my second favourite dallon

gremlin: second?

brendam: yknow

cinnamon roll: i really dont

piss boy: hey virgins hes talking about sex

cinnamon roll: i was aiming for something more specific but thanks 

brendam: this is like hes drunk or some shit i love it 

brendam: im recording it 

smol rat: your welcome 

brandem: i aint thanking you for almost killing him

smol rat: i was the one falling off that tree tho

cinnamon roll: poor thing

 

 

 

 


	13. Everyone’s getting blocked, we idealised him to be nicer and he is exactly what they needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one were mikey is having a bad day for unknown reasons and patrick is well and solving problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentines to all my isolated hoes out there and my isolated hoes only, go drink some water you pretty motherfucker

The Saviour: Mike

The Saviour: Mikey

The Saviour: Mikey Wa

The Saviour: Mikey Wazowsky

arson: what the fuck

brandem: pete lmao what 

smol rat: you’re so dead man wheezing

— The Saviour changed colder than jadi’s name to mikeywayzowski —

— The Saviour was eliminated from the chat due an active user blocking this contact —

mikeywayzowski: now anyone else has anything to say?

arson: absolutely no

brandem: no sir

cinnamon roll: server doesnt wanna get blocked so no

piss boy: kinda funny tho

— piss boy was eliminated from the chat due an active user blocking this contact —

smol rat: holy smokes his own brother

mikeywayzowski: did i fucking stutter

smol rat: no sir no

gremlin: fuck mikes chill

mikeywayzowski: dont make me block you too tyler

gremlin: did not say a thing, pardon me good lord

mikeywayzowski: you’re on thin fucking ice

— mikeywayzowski changed their name to mikey —

mikey: im done with your stupid games

arson: someone woke up in the wrong side of the bed

george washington: it’s someone woke up with the wrong leg

giraffeman: actually its someone woke up in the wrong foot

gremlin: no, its, someone woke up. 

mikey: you are all dumb

brandem: thanks man

cinnamon roll: we been knew

smol rat: dude unblock gerard i need him to find me 

mikey: no just call him like a normal person

smol rat: we both know that i aint normal and that he doesnt pick a call ever

mikey: not my problem

smol rat: mikey im lost in the fucking mall

gremlin: LMAO HOW DID YOU GET LOST IN THE MALL

smol rat: im a simple man dude i see a dog, i gotta pet em

giraffeman: you need to stop petting dogs last time two people got hurt

giraffeman: one being ME

smol rat: bitch who here has a broken wrist you motherfucker

gremlin: how do you manage to get lost all the time by petting dogs dude

smol rat: MIKEYYYYYYY

mikey: what do you want you annoying rat

smol rat: i may be an annoying rat but guess whos with gerard

mikey: arent you lost? that means you are not with gerard at the time

cinnamon roll: has he always been this mean or did we just idealise him from being so much away from him?

brandem: i dont know man i cant remember what i did yesterday how am i gonna remember that

smol rat: patrick. 

smol rat: patrick is with gerard

mikey: motherfucker son of a bitch

cockblocked: lmfao

mikey: dont you even dare

— smol rat has changed mikey’s name to casanova —

mikey: im blocking you too

smol rat: lol no wait

— smol rat was eliminated from the chat due an active user blocking this contact —

gremlin: we have lost another beloved soldier

brandem: rip

cinnamon roll: who will go down next

brandem: we’re going down down in an earlier round

brandem: and sugar we’re going down swingin

gremlin: whats wrong with you

brandem: idk its the sucker they put on my head when i was born

cinnamon roll: ???????!

brandem: yknow, cause i wouldnt come out

cinnamon roll: its okay i accept you and support you no matter where you wanna stick your dick in

brandem: NOT THAT WAY

PURE chilD: frank wya??

PURE chilD: lmao what happened here

brandem: PATRICK

cinnamon roll: 1!1!1!1!!1!!1!1!

gremlin: PATRICK STAR??

PURE chilD: whats wrong with you all

casanova: they are all idiots so i blocked them

PURE chilD: ??

PURE chilD: im so lost with the nicknames but i dont care enough to ask about it

PURE chilD: anyway have any of you any clue where frank is? gerard and i cant find him

giraffeman: he pet a dog bc he does not learn from his errors in the past

PURE chilD: not very specific but good to know either way

PURE chilD: thank you

cinnamon roll: its so weird to have someone be polite here

cinnamon roll: its like im not used to anyone acting like a person

gremlin: i know right? i missed the dude

cinnamon roll: wait a second 

cinnamon roll: RAY

casanova: we left him at a gas station again

PURE chilD: mikey

PURE chilD: did you block your own brother?

PURE chilD: and brother in law

PURE chilD: AND BOYFRIEND

PURE chilD: whats wrong with you today

casanova: they all are being assholes

PURE chilD: youre just describing them everyday

casanova: even MORE 

brandem: we know but, HEY

PURE chilD: mikey stop being a moron and unblock everyone 

PURE chilD: also everyone stop being morons too

casanova: i dont wanna unblock them tho

PURE chilD: mikey im telling you this as someone who deeply cares about you 

PURE chilD: you are an idiot

giraffeman: damn son 

— casanova added The Saviour to the chat —

— casanova added piss boy to the chat —

— casanova added smol rat to the chat —

piss boy: youre a garbage brother michael

— piss boy was eliminated from the chat due to an active user blocking this contact —

PURE chilD: mikey.

— casanova added piss boy to the chat —

casanova: immediately apologise 

piss boy: sure, which one of your flat ironers do you want me to fuck up this time

The Saviour: rip pull me out pull me tf out before they hurt me

smol rat: grow some balls and shut up like everyone else does

casanova: dont you even fucking dare you bitch

piss boy: you wanna try me

PURE chilD: oh god can you shut the fuck up you re so boring grow up you arent ten and fighting for a doll

casanova: action figure

piss boy: action figure

PURE chilD: who cares

PURE chilD: anyway good luck everyone stop being idiots im going to lunch with joe

The Saviour: joe mama

smol rat: block him again mikey

 

 

 


End file.
